I never knew finding myself could be so hard.
This is my third December in my new community. When I married my dream man and moved here, I thought adjusting would be simple. Hard, maybe, but not so complicated I would lose track of who I was.
The changes in the last three years, though, have sent me stumbling off the path of certainty. I’ve had moments of understanding–light through the fog of confusion. But this December, this Advent, is different.
I see clearly now, I have been waiting. I still am waiting, my life a long Advent, eager for God to unveil Himself and show me who I am now.
On December 1st I listened to Who We Are Instead, an album created by Jars of Clay. God tricked me into it, really. I was listening to their Christmas album, of course, and at the end, Itunes automatically moved to the first song of the next album. I said I would listen to one song. I ended up listening to the entire album and weeping through much of it.
God said to me, through the music:
- Your circumstances may change, but you are still, always, the light of the world.
- You are always loved by me.
- I do not condemn you.
- Wait for me and I will come.
I’m weeping now, just writing this down. I don’t think I will ever comprehend how beautiful those truths are. I wanted to share this because these are your truths too, if you want to love God. We do not wait without hope. He will come for us.